Almost Friday 

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Time flies.

One more day of teaching to enjoy 9 amazing days off.

I still think about you and I’m okay now. I’m glad we don’t talk, I’m glad things are going good for you. It’s all in the past now. 

It sucks, but I can’t keep being a bitter bitch about it. I’m excited to drink my night off and might even smoke some tomorrow. Just to get my mind off everything.
But I’m okay.

And I guess that’s the good thing. 

Another mistake

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Yeah I complain so much. I don’t care.

So today.. I sent my “daddy” a small text.

“Miss you.”

And then it all started. Since we live in different cities we barely see each other. He told me he was in the cities at a bar. 

He kept telling me how much he loves and misses me. Of course his dick is amazing so my pussy started to tingle excited and feeling lucky.

He’s a little drunk and as am I. So he invited me over to the bar to get some drinks. I’m convinced and start dressing myself. 

Lace shirt, tight leggings, and small high heeled leather boots.

As I start doing a quick makeup look I ask if he ended stuff with his girlfriend. In which I thought he did because he was really serious with her.

He ignores the question. Then I’m on Uber trying to find where to go. Fuck. They go someplace else. Then fuck. They’re not answering. After a couple of calls there we finally are together.

Awkwardly enough his girlfriend is there and she goes into a room and he starts kissing me and starts trying to make moves.

The uber ride was 40 fucking minutes and I was there less than 15. I told him to stop and let me go. He was being quite rough and I didn’t like it. I was pretty annoyed.

He left outside and I stayed and grabbed an uber. His girlfriend came out and we talked of course I didn’t say anything about him and I fucking for over 2 years, almost had a child together or the fact that we almost got married. 

I’m just pissed at myself and at him. More at myself because I went and believed him. I just wanted to have a little fun but in reality the uber driver was more entertaining than a drunk guy who just wants to fuck you. 

Flirting Fail

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Well, hello.

I went out on Friday night feeling lucky. The night ended with me walking barefoot (cause heels ain’t no joke) stumbling from how drunk I was to the hotel. I didn’t get any numbers! 

Only one free drink from the bartender, she must’ve felt sorry for me. 

I’ve been so done even trying anything. 

I’ve been drinking so much lately, getting wasted and forgetting half the shit I do.

My life currently fucking sucks. I’m messing everything up, can’t figure out what I want to do, can’t seem to even find any sort of motivation. I’m just a living dead person in a sense.

Every night I keep looking forward to drinking. I keep looking forward to forgetting what I’m dealing with. I’m looking forward to forgetting you especially.

It’s not even cute; I just need a friend right now. 

Loosing my mind

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Honestly fuck everything. I can’t stand trying to figure shit out. I hate overthinking and over analyzing shit. Fuck it.

If I’m not worth people’s time, then your not worth mine.

I’m done with people. So fucking done. 

Regret but trying to forget

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I keep remembering our magical night. How it started… How it felt to be wanted.

Remember leaning in to kiss me? I do. Your soft, juicy lips, wet tongue and deliciousness. 

Remember grabbing my thighs? I do. On our ride listening to Suicide Silence.

I remember reaching over and feeling you hard. Laughing and excited to find a hotel. Laughing at how you couldn’t park.

Two beers, four shots and I became yours real quick. I had a magical night.

I had sex with my “best friend”.

Was it my intention that night? No. It suddenly just happened. I didn’t shave nor groom at all. 

We did everything the world can imagine in that small room, we walked out two hours after but pretty content. 

We left home. We talked, we texted, we were still friends.

I got drunk and wanted you and you wanted to keep all “this” a secret. And that’s where I lost you.

Now I no longer have a friend. I no longer have someone to reply to my texts, or call when I’m upset, or share secrets. I miss you not the sex.
If I could travel time I would change that in an instant. 

Goodbye my almost lover.

Random heads up.

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Even though I’m trying to be anonymous and all the shit I post 99% nobody reads. 

I will try to be active in posting. I’ve been going through so much that my journals are tired of me writing shit there. Then my paranoid ass keeps looking for places to hide it but this way it’ll be available for whomever wants to read my stupid shit and nobody will ever know it’s me. 

The perks of being a invisible slut.

Move on and let them regret.

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So,

Someone broke up with you? Someone use you? Someone left you? Someone you loved hurt you?

Well, look no more.

This calls for; make that cunt REGRET. 

Look good, very good. Make those changes, do those extra steps and don’t ever fucking have your head down. The only thing to do is MOVE ON. Yeah, I’m a lil’ salty right now but this motivates me to hit the gym even harder to eventually be able to be like, yup you missed out.

Sometimes you gotta show them what they’re missing out on.

And at the end of the day just know you’re the better person. You didn’t deserve any of that bullshit so don’t pout, smile because at the end of the day you won’t have guilt in your fucking conscious.

You’re welcome.